Category Archives: Now Playing Near You
Now Playing Near You: Blue Balls!
Ho-ho-ho!* It’s Chrriiiissstmmmassss time! And if you haven’t spent all your money buying people stuff that they either secretly don’t want or you secretly want for yourself, you’re probably going to want to see a movie or two during the … Continue reading →
Now Playing Near You: Nothing to See Here; Everybody’s Fine
It’s been a bit since we’ve been to the movies, huh? What with all the animal attacks that we’ve had lately and all. Eh, what’s that? Don’t know what I’m talking about? Why between attacks from turkeys (Thanksgiving) and people … Continue reading →
Filed under Now Playing Near You, Uncategorized
Tagged as animal attacks, beautiful, beautiful sagas, Black Prez ends world, De Niro's last chance, how to bang two bros and feel good about it, Kathy Bates in blackface, keeping Travolta fed, Maggie Gyll's face attacks, pass the poon, Robert Pattinson's hair gel, sagas, Sandra Bullock's blindside, Twilight, When your wife thinks your dead--who will she bang?
Now Playing Near You: Whip It, Whip It Good, Whip It REAL Good
Oh boy, it’s been a quiet week, hasn’t it? The Kids are getting geared-up for a return to normalcy, and what better way than the latest installment of “Now Playing Near You”–a snooty look at the week’s movie releases. You … Continue reading →
Now Playing Near You:Love Happens in Jennifer’s Body
Oops. Looks like Friday passed without a slate of movie reviews for everyone. Doubtless, you all spent the weekend wandering the streets like so much Lindsay Lohan. That’s my fault, kids. Total mea culpa. So, The Kids is doling out … Continue reading →
Filed under Now Playing Near You
Tagged as Bruce Willis won't die hard or soft, Dennis Quaid is lost, Fame for Frasier, Fame for Lillith, Jennifer Anniston is on the prowl again, Jennifer's Body: not what you're hoping it is, Lindsay Lohan needs a movie break, Rosamund Pike Maryland, St. Elsewhere Season 6 episodes
Now Playing Near You: White, out!
Well, after a brief blissful hiatus, The Kids has returned with more bang for your movie buck. After a laborious Labor Day weekend, and swinging deep into the week now, we’re closing in on the weekend, which can mean only … Continue reading →
Filed under Now Playing Near You
Tagged as Blackcock, Blair Underwood Hair Gel, Bruce Willis, Bye Bye Black Hollywood, Columbus Short, Demi Moore, I am the Bateman, Michael Douglas needs orphan blood to live, minstrel shows in theaters, Rumer has it, Sandra Bullock battles STD, Sandra Bullock takes a wrong turn, TPZ, Tyler Perry didn't make Whiteout, When Stars Make Babies That Are Lesser Stars, Whiteout
Now Playing Near You: Aliens! Time Travel!…Hudgens!
Just got paid/it’s Friday night/the party’s jumping/it’s movie night! Welcome back to Now Playing Near You; the (almost) weekly installment reviewing straight-to-DVD movies that somehow made it to the big screen first. Sneaky bum-sniffers. Anyway, the name of the game … Continue reading →
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Tagged as aliens in the ghetto, Brad Pitt, Brad Pitt is a monkey, Ginuwine-ly good movies, Headless women and the men who find out too late, Jeremy Piven has one good note, Kidz Bop, the greatest excuse is 'I'm a time traveler', Vanessa Hudgens the next Fergie?, When I go to camp I want to Bandslam
Now Playing Near You: Back in the Sandler(lot)
Hey-o! It’s Friday, and you know what that means: 3 hours of “What Not to Wear”! Yes! Hello Stacy and Clint! I must admit that I have this dream of walking around the city (they shoot a lot in Philly) … Continue reading →
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Tagged as Aliens in the Attic, Don't make Julia Childs angry, How to battle sneaky Mexicans, Judd Apatow rinse and repeat, Julia Childs, Marlon Wayans is the most patriotic man I know, Support Our Dennis Quaid, Tim Meadows will blow for work, vacation spots for white conquerors
Now Playing Near You: G-G-G-G-Force!
Hooray! It’s Movie-Time again in America! Time to squeeze out of your pool floaties, put down the burgers, turn off Wendy Williams (I repeat: TURN OFF WENDY WILLIAMS) and head to the nearest multi-plex! As always, these are a review … Continue reading →
Filed under Now Playing Near You
Tagged as Barack Obama battles Harry Potter, CCH Pounder with fries, G-Force is better than G-Unit, Gerard Butler is ugly, Harry Potter, Judd Apatow makes another boys club movie, Katherine Heigl makes a bad career move, orphans make better killers, Queen Latifah's fingers, Seth Rogen, Wendy Williams
Now Playing Near You
This weekend, The Kids is in Houston for a wedding, and I’m sitting in a hotel room watching Spider-man 3 (easily the WORST of the 3)while cranking the AC to 60. Why? Because there’s a concrete asphalt of shittiness outside … Continue reading →
Now Playing Near You: When Bad Ideas Attack
Oooook–it’s almost time for the weekend and that means it’s almost time for pudgy Americans to shun the sunlight like gremlins and head for the nearest movie theater for butter-battered pretzels, ice-cold theaters and Scary People Talking On Cell Phones … Continue reading →
