Late to the Party #1: “Juno”

Hello? Are you my Mommy?

Hello? Are you my Mommy?

Every now and then, I’m going to do a post called “Late to the Party”; my musings on big, pop-culture flashes of relatively recent memory.  First to bat: the indie-movie darling, Juno.

So what if Entertainment Weekly, Best Week Ever and The Soup met each other randomly at a bar, had some drinks, did some shots, and then, around closing time, The Soup turns to the other two and says, “Hey; how about we take this party back to my place and get nasty with it?” and then Best Week Ever wakes up the next morning with EW’s hand on her boob and The Soup winking at her in his wide-open holey robe and realizes she just had the worst night ever and then realizes that she’s pregnant, has to lay low during the off-season to have the baby, delivers it, and sends it to the Midwest.

That baby is Juno (and really, Juno).

So, aside from the somewhat surreal reaction of the parents, there’s the ootsy-cutesy indie movie “ticks” employed, like:

Micheal Cera’s character eats orange Tic-Tacs all the time!

She’s got a hamburger phone!

Asian exchange student likes to protest outside of abortion clinics! How “indie”!

And there’s also Jennifer Garner’s creepy performance inspired by her “yuppie-hermit life” with Ben Affleck.  Actually, I liked that.

But the real problem here, the biggest problem, is Juno’s unflappable ability to constantly deliver a stream of pop-infused references in a single sentence. It’s exhaustive.

Weirdo.

And you know what? When a kid like that gets to be a teenager and talks like that, not only are they social misfits….not only do they basically have to hang out with their family…. they don’t get knocked up.

No one’s banging The Soup/EW/Best Week’s kid, because kids like that are weird. And they’re into weird shit too, like hanging at your place and stealing your mom’s panties when you go to make PB&J’s to munch on.

So Juno sucks.

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