Quick quiz for guys or for any guy(s) in your life.
1. How would others BEST describe your fingernails?
b) “(Name)’s fingernails are a little long, and dirty, but ok”
c)”(Name)’s fingernails are the fingernails of a rescued POW”
2. Which of the following activities BEST describes you?
a) I forage for honey and eat ticks off my friends’ asses/junk
b) I battle Magneto for the good of mutant- and man-kind
c) I sleep in dirt/coffins/hanging upside down for fear of sunlight and holy water
Answers a,b, and c are all acceptable. Congratulations!
However, if you’ve answered “d” then we need to talk. If you answered “c” in #1 but none of the options in #2 seem to fit, we need to talk.
As a kid, Pop-Pop told me that junkies had long fingernails to cut up their coke (granted, he told me this as he injected heroin between his toes–we don’t hang out too much now)*. So, congratulations, you’ve got a junkie on your hands.
Of course, I’ve heard the other reason provided are for guitar players; they grow out their fingernail(s) so that they can play the guitar better.
Hey, Eric Clapton, buy a pick.
Few people are full-time musicians, so while you may crank out some mean tunes after hours, I got news for you: your 9-5 co-workers think you’re a cokehead, or a drag queen.
So you’re still a junkie in most people’s minds.
See how that works?
Besides being routinely grossed out by the sight of it, I also can’t take any guy with long fingernails seriously because no matter what they say, in the back of my mind I’m thinking, “yeah, but you turn into a bat”.