Total Recall

“Good Old Programming unveils latest android product”–Washington Post (AP)

After repeated reports complaining about product defects, Good Old Programming has cut the strings on one of its longest-running products: the Stepford” line.

Amidst complaints of "vacancy" and "glazed", the LAURA line is coming to an end.

“The ‘Stepford’ line has been one of our greatest company achievements”, says the VP of Quasi-Human Products.

The ‘Stepford’, a popular line of life-like puppets marketed as “domestic companions” have been widely popular since 2000. In recent years though, the product line has been in decline amidst several complaints of being “out-dated” and “ineffective”.

“Our old ‘Stepford’ line relied on pulling a lot of strings in an effort to make the consumer feel as though they were in control”, explains one of the ‘Stepford’ designers. ” Our newer line though, promises to be much more environmentally and user-friendly”.

Old Programming's "CIND-E" promises to be more of the same only totally different in a familiar way.

A 2007-08 Consumer Reports study revealed several complaints about LAURA (Life-like Agreeable Unit with Reasonable Alertness), the company’s first “wife-like domestic unit”. Most customers felt “creeped out” by a product that tended to “look right through you” when talking or “wore the same f*cking smile” no matter what the situation. And most too criticized the fact that this model unit never seemed interested in “putting out”.

“I don’t think that dummy ever gave me any wood”, said one Arkansas consumer.

Good Old Programming has had to rethink its strategy in time for the upcoming holiday season.

The newer line, “CIND-E” (Calculated Interactive Naughty Domestic Emotion-droid) addresses complaints leveled at the older product, such as better mental computing deficiencies and slightly more reactive emoticon-chips, and the abiility to speak independently.

“We want to assure GOP customers who were fond of LAURA, that CIND-E has none of the things you might have hated about the old model and everything you loved about it, too.”, says the company president in a press release.

And with the 2008 4th quarter shaping up to be yet another head-to-head match-up between Grand Old Programming and its competitors, they need to pull out all the stops.

Consumers are excited, though a little wary, too. Early reaction seems to be mixed.

“I think she’s pretty–and looks tough to me”, said one Arizona businessman, “she’s kind of got that ‘naughty principal’ look to her. Kinda fesity.”

Yet others remain unconvinced. “I don’t know; looks like the same old dummy to me.”


1 Comment

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One response to “Total Recall

  1. Kristin

    Bang zoom!!! Right in the Playtex!!

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