You gonna eat that?

I didn’t get my license until 19, so for a long time I had zero luck with women; I mean zero. It was really hard to convince anyone to go out with me when they knew my mom would have to do the driving.

Another thing it’s hard to convince someone to do under those circumstances? Road head.

I felt like I was jinxed.

So it wasn’t until college that I went on my first date with a girl from my Psychology lecture. For our date,  I took her to a Cheesecake Factory located in White Flint Mall (via the DC Metro of course).

Like a true gentleman, I made reservations at The Cheesecake Factory, which was a big deal in college, since it was the equivalent of taking someone to the Four Seasons for a meal.

Everything was going fine: the conversation was good, she looked good…it was shaping up to be a good night that I hoped would end with us having hot monkey sex in her dorm room.

That is, until we got seated. 

As another couple was finishing their meal at the table across from us, my date constantly cast her eyes over at their plates, repeatedly commenting about “how good their food looks”.

I agreed and went back to looking at the menu to find something to eat.

Well, when the couple left, my date took the opportunity to grab one of their unfinished plates and then proceeded…..to eat…..their food….right-off….the plate.

Being the germ-freak that I am, the first thoughts in my head were, “ohmygdohmygodohmygodthisissofuckingnasty”, while another part of me took stock of the same situation and concluded: “this chick will eat anything–this bodes well”.

To be clear; she didn’t just sample. This wasn’t a “let me try a bite”. This was full-fledged throwing down.  She was eating like…..like…..

Well….you ever volunteer at a soup kitchen for the holidays? Ever watch a rescued animal eat? A former convict have his first “good meal”?

Like that.

She ate the food (a pasta dish on top of that) and was still hungry. She returned the meal to the table and ordered a seafood dish when the waiter came.

Needless to say, I sat there mortified. I couldn’t even order anything to eat, and when I did, she actually ate some of my food.

On the ride back to campus, I sat quietly on the Metro, listening to her yammer on about who-knows-what. When we got back, I was completely ready to part ways, bust she wasn’t, so instead we banged like orangutans.

Jinx broken! Hooray for dating!

Psyche.

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1 Comment

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One response to “You gonna eat that?

  1. Kristin

    Funny how I think I know who that was. I like to call her “Broke-ahontas”………
    At least now I know that my brother isn’t a monk!! hahaha

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