How To Turn 1 Johnson Into 84 Cox

N.E.R.D. front-man, Pharrell







I love N*E*R*D.

Aside from A Tribe Called Quest and The Roots, they’re my favorite band/group.

So I was understandably psyched last night when some friends and I went to The Electric Factory to see Common and N*E*R*D.  It was my 4th time seeing N*E*R*D in about as many years.

As a result, I have a fairly intense man-crush for Pharrell Williams, the front-man for N*E*R*D.

Going from this....

Everytime I go see N*E*R*D, I have the same fantasy…..

I get to the show and it’s amazing. Lots of people, lots of good music. People are making out and smoking sh-t everywhere. There’s tension building for the main act (N*E*R*D).

After an adequate earlier act performs, N*E*R*D takes the stage. Women in the crowd begin to frantically remove panties/bra/dignity to toss at Pharrell (at this point, I always reach for my jeans’ zipper, reconsider, then unzip and take off my boxers too).

Flowers, bras, thongs and a pair of boxers shower onto the stage. this!

Music begins. I shove my way past women, teenagers, handicapped people and work my way to front of stage, singing at the top of my lungs. I look up onto the stage, face beaming.

In the middle of “She Wants to Move”, Pharrell looks down at a bare-chested girl next to me, reaches out his hand and–

I taser the girl in-between her taters, reach for Pharrell’s hand, hoist myself onto the stage.

Pharrell, band look confused until I show them my amazing dance moves.

Nice moves--but Pharrell and I are better

Then he’s all like, “Damn dude, you should be on tour with us.” (Pharrell is saying this to me as we begin to dance face-to-face) and I grin at him and I say, “Yes, Pharrell, I should, but I have a life here.” and then he’s like, “No The Kids… we need you here. N*E*R*D is nothing without you” and I put a finger to his lips and say, “Shh. Say no more. You’re only making this harder.” And then we stare at each other for like a long time and the music is still going and Pharrell is lowering his microphone and we stop dancing and now we’re closer and I’m just like “I can’t believe this is happening” and he’s like “I can–this is meant to be” and then he’s even closer and I gulp nervously and then my mom screams from the crowd in a Batman suit “You’re ruining the family, The Office is about to come on now! Stop being like your father!” and then I wake up screaming in my office at work but it’s not my office it’s my boss’ office and I’m naked at the computer typing this blog entry and she keeps screaming “Security! Security!” and I’m just here giggling, ’cause man that concert was awesome.



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2 responses to “How To Turn 1 Johnson Into 84 Cox

  1. OMG

    LMAO…I don’t even know where to start with this one…I’m not sure if you are aware, but you pushed “Save” on this blog!!! 🙂 lol you N.E.R.D nerd! They suck! lol…I just wanted those words to be somewhere in the vicinity of N.E.R.D.! Nicely written, as always.

  2. Kadeejia

    man! u a fool for this!!! lmao!

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