So if you haven’t heard about it already, Google is celebrating its years of being the most reliable search engine for Britney Spears snatch pics, celebrity chodes and illegal music downloads. For a stretch of time, you could go into the Google way-back machine and revisit the internet circa 2001.
With a little creative tinkering from The Kids…Traveling In Time Station (or, T.I.T.S.), staffers were able to take advantage of 2001 Google and create a temporary portal to 2001 and allowed The Kids…to talk to myself in 2001. The transcript of that conversation is as follows:
(The Kids..2001, singing):”I don’t think you’re ready/for this jelly…I don’t think you’re ready/for this jelly…” (looks up, zips up pants) Oh my God, you’re me!….who are you?
(The Kids…2008): Come with me if you want to live. Kidding. I’m here from the year 2008 through the power of Google and T.I.T.S.
(The Kids…2001 puts down liquor bottle and rum-stained grading book): In 7 years titties will have the power to do that????
(The Kids…2008): *Sigh* No, no, dude–look, don’t worry about that now. How are you doing? I remember this time. We’re teaching in Houston now, right?
(The Kids…2001): Yeah, and this sh!t f-cking sucks too. As a matter of fact, today one of my students, Jos-
(The Kids….2008, puts a hand up, cuts in): –‘Rosie’. We have to call her ‘Rosie’–I’m sharing this conversation with my blog.
(The Kids…2001): A what? ‘Blog’? Is that a robot? Oh my god–I’m going to have a robot? Will it be a sexbot? I need a sexbot. Anyway, ‘Rosie’ asked me to spank her! Isn’t that crazy? Man that’s crazy.
(The Kids…2008): Yeah, well, we end up having kids with her, so it’s cool.
(The Kids…2001, staring in disbelief): We do? Oh my god, oh my god, does Mom flip-out? She does, doesn’t she? Does she threaten to kill me? She does, doesn’t she? Oh god, is that why you’re here? I just peed myself.
(The Kids…2008): No, no, calm down, fool. I’m kidding. What else is new? What are we doing today?
(The Kids….2001): Well, today after work we went and got Bridging the Gap after seeing the Black Eyed Peas in concert downtown. Man, those guys were so f-cking good live! They have a real back-pack, underground, B-boy feel to them. Are they still around in 2008?
(The Kids….2008): Yes, but they’re…well….you’ll see. (hears the radio playing in the background) Can you turn that off?
(The Kids….2001 gets up and turns off the radio): What, we don’t like N’ Synch really cool dignified critically-acclaimed band anymore in 2008? Does our music taste change a lot by then? Want to watch some TV? (turns on television)
(The Kids…2008): God, I forgot how much TV sucked during this time. Unfortunately, it’s not much better in 2008, either.
(The Kids…2001): Hey, does Seinfeld and the rest of those guys ever do anything again? Like a movie or a spinoff show or something? Those guys were always funny.
(The Kids…2008): Seinfeld does commercials, Julia L-D has a sitcom, Jason Alexander does anything that allows him to act like George, and Michael Richards tries his hand at stand-up. (Pause) That doesn’t go so well.
(The Kids….2001): Hm, ok. What about any cool new black comedians or anything? Like that Chappelle guy, or Bernie Mac–they still doing something.
(The Kids…2008): Chappelle has a hit show, freaks out Lauryn Hill-style, runs away to Africa, comes back to the States, disappears, basically. Bernie Mac is dead. Jamie Foxx should be dead, but still lives. (looks at watch) I should start getting back to my time, 2001-me.
(The Kids…2001): Wait, wait, there’s so much I want to know though! Like…like…am I still a teacher???(We both laugh. 20mins later….) Ok, but no, really….um, 2008….er, who’s POTUS? Is it Cheney or Condoleeza?
(The Kids….2008): No, it’s Obama.
(The Kids….2001): THE TERRORIST??!!….After what he’s done this year? (Pause) Actually, I think I can live with that. I can’t stand Bush, and I hate Dick.
(The Kids….2008): That’s what she said.
(The Kids….2001): Who did? She who?
(The Kids….2008, beginning to fade away) It’ll all make sense in the future…..