Ok, so once before I posted an article about the shooting drill staged by a NJ school unbeknownst to the staff and student body. That was crazy, right?
This might be up there.
Check back after you’ve read the article. We’ll wait.
Couple of thoughts:
1. I like that the tagline is, “got unhappy STD news?”. I sat here and tried to think of “good” STD news, and the best that I could come up with was, “I’m pregnant” which in many circumstances might still qualify as “unhappy STD news”.
2. This line: “The site started in San Francisco and has spread to 10 cities such as New York and Chicago, Illinois”.* Really guys? Spreads? You asshats, you total asshats.
3. Why are you sending an e-card? You’re clearly not saving the money for condoms.
4. If someone has a “spam-blocker” enabled, they’re never getting this.
Still, as a writer myself, I am a firm believer in the power of words. And so, The Kids Don’t Get It (and let’s hope not in these situations) has decided to join this cause by designing STD cards to help the spread the word.
Card 1: Army of One
OUTSIDE OF CARD: Drill sergeant staring intensely at the center of his pants. Mouth is wide open, finger is pointing accusingly at the crotch. Shiny nametag reads, “S. Phyllis”. Comic-strip balloon says in bright lettering “WHAT IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, PRIVATE???!!!!”
INSIDE OF CARD: In the center of the card it reads, “Have you been dishonorably discharging lately? It’s because Sgt. Phyllis and I are mad at you. Thought you might want to soldier up and get your nads checked.”
Card 2: Monsters’ Balls
INSIDE OF CARD: ‘Im sorry that we kept bumping uglies. You have gonorrhea. Boo.”
Card 3: Rump-shaker
OUTSIDE OF THE CARD: DJ is hunched over a turntable, naked from the waist-up. Headphones crooked between shoulder and head as he mixes a record.
I plan on releasing these next Wednesday online. What better day to release STD cards than on a “hump” day?
*Also, when referring to cities, is it really important to note “Chicago, Illinois”?