Time for a new “Style Quiz!”, wouldn’t you say? I would.
Previous style quizzes have examined hands, feet and accessories–technically, the ever-popular “skinny jeans” post could also be considered a “Style Quiz!” entry, too. But we’ve managed to skip over a crucial area in covering it all: hair!
So, get out your pencils (and your combs) and let’s take this quiz. This one’s fairly brief, I think.
Please read the following instructions carefully.
For the purposes of this quiz, please assume the role of a female person of color. If you are already a female person of color, DO NOT assume the role of a white female; please remain a female person of color.
1. “I am waking up this morning, and I am black/brown woman. Time to do my hair.” In this instance, what colors are most appropriate for your skin tone/type?
a) black like coffee
c) gold like gold
d) copper like a penny or decorative cookware
e) “other” like Crayola boxes
2. *yawn* *stretch* “I am a black/brown woman standing in the bathroom mirror. I rub my eyes, put on my contacts and they are–”
a) a natural brown, black color as I am of African/Caribbean/Hispanic/etc descent
b) blue-ish green, like Mer-people
c) shockingly blue and piercing, like a white person, on meth
d) “other” (green, magenta, purple), like pre-schooler’s coloring book
3. Your black/brown woman eyes have now adjusted to the new day. Time to do your hair. What a mess it is! You begin running your fingers through it and–
a) it catches because it has knots in it (you will refer to this as, “nappy”)
b) an assortment of horse-hair/tracks fall out, revealing my jaw-length hair. Once properly re-installed, it is back to being down to the middle of my back. I am Beyonce’ now.
c) pick it up off the dummy’s head on the sink, place it on head. I am now ready for the world.
Please review your answers. If you’ve answered “a” or “b” for #1, and then answered “a” for #2 and #3– Congratulations! –you may join society. Please feel free to explore malls, museums and supermarkets without fear of reprisal or confusion.
If you’ve answered with any other combination, please pause and take a moment to reflect. These other combinations, while readily seen in everyday life, are not appropriate. If someone told me that they saw a woman of color with copper hair, cobalt blue eyes and a horse tail, I would say, “Sir/Madam, you have just seen–”
a. Storm, from the X-Men
b. a Fraggle
c. Margaret Cho
d. Beowulf’s enemy, Grendel
It’s quite clear, isn’t it? There are only certain situations where such appearances are ok for you. They are:
a) hanging with Biggie
b) living amongst Peter Pan’s Lost Boys
c) being a Popple.
This is perhaps the only time you’d want to look more “Oprah” than “Tyra”.