Goth-damn

Ever the savvy marketing mavens, the Mattel-makers have made a maiden perfect for mirth-making this Christmas. With their finger on the pulse of kids everywhere, they’ve created their latest Barbie to reflect the times:

Meet Goth-Punk Barbie.pnkrckbarbie_dt1

I bet you’re thinking that The Kids…made this one up, but uh, no–I’m not that advanced here at TKDGI HQ. This is real. As a matter of fact, I wrote Mattel and requested a prototype model so I could review it for my readership. Here’s my report on Goth-Punk Barbie.

The Box:

  • My Goth-Punk Barbie came in an all-black box that had cigarette burns and small cuts hidden under the “Mattel” sticker and other only-the-counselor-can-find places.
  • The outside of the box was adorned with phrases like, “Open me or don’t-I don’t really care”….”Let’s hang at the elementary school playground and smoke joints together”….”I want to dress your little brother in your dead Nana’s clothes”….
  • Advertised that it was “Exclusive to ‘Hot Topic’!”
  • Box interior was decorated with Goth-punk type room, complete with burned Miley Cyrus poster, morbid newspaper clippings (“Teens Convicted of Pet Store Slayings”) and walls covered in bloody fingernail scratches

The Doll:

My Goth-Punk Barbie came with an assortment of accessories/details too, to complete her ‘look’. They included:

  • A ‘Hello Kitty’ backpack full of ‘daddy issues’ , ‘vampire’ poetry….and a box-cutter knife
  • Ironic t-shirts for Goth-Punk Barbie to wear like, “Britney Spears for Prez”, “I F*cked Your Teddy Bear'” and “I ❤ Courtney Love”
  • Gag-ball and gimp-mask (for Ken) and each Goth-Punk Barbie comes with its own ‘safe word’. (Mine was ‘Jem’)
  • Special wipe-on/wipe-off white-face make-up allows Barbie to go from “scary babysitter Callista” to “reformed suburbanite Callie”, allowing both to wear the same man-hating, ‘inner demons’ facial expression!

Priced at $6.66 for a limited time.

Mattel also promises that a “Wannabe-Thug” Ken will be released 1/19/2009, complete with over-indulgent obscure hip-hop references (“Why don’t more people listen to The Cool Kids?”), “BARACK IS THE NEW BLACK” t-shirt, Converse sneakers and bachelor’s degree.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Goth-damn

  1. Joe

    Seriously, why don’t more people listen to the Cool Kids…

    I don’t think a wanna-be-thug doll would come with knowledge of the Cool Kids. I’m thinking a “Lil Wayne is my homeboy” t-shirt is more appropriate (because he is awful, yet popular…which i have yet to figure out).

  2. trejohns

    B/C people are stoopid.

    “giggle” (because I know who it really is): 😉

  3. Pingback: Late to the Party #3: Look under your chairs–it’s Oprah! « The Kids Don’t Get It: pop culture and stuff

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