Pole Position


"I, know a girl, she puts the color, inside of my world...."

I must admit, I get really skeeved at the idea of strip clubs. I do. I honestly do. They’re all dark and sticky and smell like South Street store lotions.

I don’t want anyone to see that I’m going inside anywhere with the word “den”, “cave”, “garden” (this includes The Olive Garden), or “cage” in its business title. As a matter of fact, every time I’ve gone, I felt like I should’ve worn one of those fancy banquet masks that rich people use to do each other at tea(bag) parties. Actually, I’m a fan of everyone going inside wearing one of these.

It’s amazing too, because inside, no matter what the song, all the guys are totally into the strippers. No matter what. It’s amazing. Whether they’re on the poles, serving drinks or giving herpes-laced lap dances, guys are sold sold sold.

Maybe it’s just because I’m pretty into music myself, but I’m never able to take myself out of ‘the zone’ enough to not consider the selections.

So what songs would take a guy out of it? I think these are worth a shot.


"I will be your father figure/put your tiny hand in mine"

1. Daughters, John Mayer

2. A Boy Named Sue, Johnny Cash

3. Butterfly Kisses, Bob Carlisle

4. Strange Fruit, Billie Holiday

5. Dirty, Christina Aguilera

6. I Know I Can, Nas (it’s the one with the little kids)

7. Cocaine Blues, Johnny Cash

8. Easy Skanking, Bob Marley & The Walers

9. Father Figure, George Michael

10. Let’s Get Married, Al Green

11. Limp, Fiona Apple

12. Lonely Stranger, Eric Clapton

13. Man in the Mirror, Michael Jackson

14. My Body is A Cage, The Arcade Fire

15. Smells Like Funk, Black Eyed Peas



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3 responses to “Pole Position

  1. Lucian

    Janie’s Got a Gun, Aerosmith
    Look What the Car Dragged In, Poison
    Tears in Heaven, Eric Clapton
    We are the World
    Seventeen, Winger… ok, this one might do the opposite

  2. Joe

    I Will Always Love You, Cracky McCrackerson…i mean Whitney Houston

  3. trejohns

    Everybody Hurts, R.E.M.

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