Bangbangbangbangbangbangbangbangbang

So, this was one of my favorite articles sent to me this past week.

In case you don’t feel like reading it (I know Americans and their reading habits), it’s about a 911 call placed by a man saying that he accidentally shot his wife during sex.

Granted, everyone’s gun has gone off unexpectedly once or twice before. I mean, for some guys, it just happens, right?

But, assuming this guy was telling the truth, why is there a gun handy when you’re getting down and dirty?

As a matter of fact, these are the only people I think would have a gun nearby when they’re doing it:

charlton_heston_nra

"Get your hands off me, you damn dirty tramp!"

1. Charlton Heston: Because he doesn’t like to cuddle afterwards.

ojsimpson

One killer night in bed.

2. OJ Simpson: Because you can’t do it the same way twice.

robocop-suit

"I AM HERE FOR A NOISE VIOLATION. YOU AREN'T LOUD ENOUGH!"

3. Robocop: Because he only shoots his load for just causes.

4. The Lone Ranger: “You be Tonto”.

"Who was that masked man?"

"Who was that masked man?"

I also wonder how that even happens. I mean, what’s the foreplay for this sort of couple? Russian Roulette? Grenades?

There are certain things you could be conceivably reaching for when you’re about to “seal the deal” (I’ll spare us all a list).

But can you imagine someone being like “hold on, hold on–I gotta reload”. And you’re like, “um, ok, yeah…ok, ok, I don’t know what that means, but right now? I can dig it. I can totally dig it.” And then they’re like, “Hold this. Carefully. The last girl got shot in the face.”

And sure, there’s probably a series of appropriate ways to get all ‘post-coital’ with it, but who relaxes and says, “Wow babe, that was great. Now I’m gonna pop a cap in your ass so everyone knows you’re mine.”

Talk about pistol-whipped.

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