That’s a Rap

Somewhere between “Push It” and “Ayo Technology” I realized that hip-hop has less and less of a place in my life.

I mean, don’t get me wrong–I love hip-hop. I always have and I always will.

The phrase "on the set of the rap video" now makes me think of porn

The phrase "on the set of the rap video" now makes me think of porn

But more and more, I find that listening to hip-hop is like being Will Ferrell in Old School–hanging onto a time that I should’ve let go a long ago.

Listening to rap is like playing Nintendo; awesome for an afternoon, but after awhile, you get tired of eating ‘shrooms. Wait, what.

Anyway, here are the reasons that you can’t (solely) listen to rap after the age of 18.

The Kids…Presents: “Why You Can’t Listen to Rap After 18”

1. After awhile, “til sweat runs down my balls, til all the bitches crawl” should no longer be your ringtone

2. How many times can one say, “I push more snow than a plow” and people not want to run criminal checks on you?

3. Because chanting “A mili a mili a amili a mili amili” while waiting for a staff meeting to start gets really, really, really annoying for everyone.

People don't think you can turn a ho into a housewife. Thoughts?"

"Ok, first item on the agenda: People don't think you can turn a ho into a housewife. Thoughts?"

4. Because you can’t tug your kids in with a bedtime rendition of “Gin and Juice”

5. Because 1/2 of these references, most of you won’t even get…and that’s ok

After awhile, still listening to and relating to rap becomes rather hilarious and awkward. Now, I like a good beat–hell, I’ll dance to Shiite death threats if The Neptunes did a good beat to it–but the next time you go out dancing, look at how ridiculous people look at singing at “Womanizer” versus, say, “Mr. Officer”. The first can be seen as kind of funny and in line with being out dancing with friends. The second? Watch out for roofies and the word “train” being tossed around you.

And so, it’s been with a heavy heart that I’ve had to say “Sayonara Snoop” and “Farewell Fiddy” as I begin 2009.

Snoop's gone from getting ho's to do E to doing a show on E!

Snoop's gone from getting ho's to do E to doing a show on E!

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