The Kids…wants to snuggle with you

So, like many of you, The Kids…has been on vacation for the last couple of weeks, and this has afforded some great time to get re-acquainted with the American excess that is the TV landscape. The mornings, afternoons and late nights watching the boob tube has afforded me the following relevations:

1. Tyra Banks has no business talking in front of a camera.

2. People will watch anything with the word “Dancing” in the title; as a result, I’ve submitted a pilot called, “America’s Best Dancing Coma Patients Revived with Heroin” (hosted by Howie Mandel).

3. MTV has now passed BET on the “culturally embarrassing/indefensible” scale. It has also surpassed Cinemax as “Channel Most Likely to Give You Syphillis Just By Watching It”.

4. Tyra Banks has no business talking in front of a camera. (worth mentioning twice)

But my favorite relevation has been the realm of the informercial, and specifically, it’s current Prince of Profit, “The Snuggie”.

ruby

Ruby even got a color to match her name!

Have you seen this shit? Amazing.

The Snuggie is (click link to see it in action) from what I can tell at least, a body-length fashion mistake.

Apparently, the Snuggie’s intention is to provide people the comfort of a favorite blanket, but without the messy business of reaching for an actual blanket. Plus, you can wear it outside, apparently.

Ingenious, right?

It’s like a cloth telling the world “I have recently escaped a mental institution and should be tasered with reckless abandon”.

Here are the following people most likely to purchase a Snuggie:

1. retired Klan members

"Dear Father, thank You for our Snuggies. Please rid us of the Mexicans down the street and all gays. Oh, and we need more rope. Amen."

"Dear Father, thank You for our Snuggies. Please rid us of the Mexicans down the street and all gays. Oh, and we need more rope. Amen."

2. Druids

3. Eunuchs

4. “sleepy” Power Rangers

5. Ruby from The Style Network

6. that dude in The Da Vinci Code

Also hilarious is the fact that someone’s charging $19.95 for what is essentially a human tarp. And people are buying this! Amazing!

I guess you can get all comfy while you watch my other two new show ideas: “CSI: Portland Oregon” and “Law&Order: Racial Profiling”.

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8 Comments

Filed under Style Quiz!

8 responses to “The Kids…wants to snuggle with you

  1. Grids

    7. My grandparents.
    I just spent 40 hours with my grandparents, approximately – no exactly – 24 hours of which were spent watching CNN (does everyone know about Gaza? Wolf Blitzer and I sure do). The Snuggie is a frequent offering on the CNN channel… If The Snuggie were offered through a special license deal with Readers Digest, my grandfather would be on his way to indoor/outdoor toasty warmth right now.

  2. Lucian

    When I saw the Snuggie, I thought the guy wearing it looked like Obi-Wan. This guy is the new king of infomercials now. You might remember him from such infomercials as Sham-Wow!

  3. trejohns

    I think the Snuggie’s demographic prefers to do as little reading as possible. Gets in the way of all the Snuggie-ing.

  4. Christy

    A shut-in family member of mine got one for Christmas. We couldn’t figure out what the hell it was and neither could he. I hear though that he has since started wearing while he sits in front of the computer for 20 hours a day.

  5. trejohns

    It totally prevents him from looking like a dork while he plays World of Warcraft all day.

  6. The real crime in the snuggie is that it takes 2-6 weeks to ship. When I order something from television, I want instant results. What if Philly warms up before I get mine?!?!

    The first thing I am going to do when I get mine (you get two for the price of one!!), is give one to Farish.

  7. Pingback: The Burning Bush « The Kids Don’t Get It: pop culture and stuff

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