So we’ve already discussed the Snuggie here on The Kids… and so, I’m starting to think that the next category that I should add is “Buy Me!” to this blog’s repetoire of reports, because man, I’ve found more goodies to get your loved ones.
Let’s get some science jargon out of the way first. Feet. You have feet, I have feet–as a matter of fact, the only people I’m aware of that don’t have feet is this skinny blue-tooth-wearing-Asian guy over here in Kensington (he walks on sawed-off Reebok sneaker nubs and it creeps me the f-ck out) and Lt. Dan from Forrest Gump.
That’s it. Everyone else, feet.
So, with that in mind, if you’re ever in a rut and can’t figure out what to give someone for their birthday/bah mitzvah/bridal shower/anniversary The Kids….would like to suggest purchasing the Ped Egg.
The Ped Egg is simultaneously the most disgusting and the most comical product I’ve seen yet on an infomercial. The Ped Egg removes the rough, calloused skin on the bottom of your feet, giving your dogs baby-soft smoothness (Ped Egg’s claim, not mine).
But here’s the suh-weet aspect of the Ped Egg–this small hand-shaped product also collects all of your dead-skin shavings in a “special storage compartment” apparently so when you rigorously file your feet your face doesn’t look like you just left 7th period “Wood Shop Class”.
I totally get that people get some rough, calloused feet that need to be properly planed from time to time. I called Ped Egg and asked who would best stand to benefit from their product. Based on my conversation, I gathered that the Ped Egg is best for the following people:
4. Hippies, or other awkwardly-often-publicly-barefoot white people you know
That’s it. Anyone other than that, I would suggest amputation.
Should you go ahead and purchase it for someone not on the above approved list, I would suggest helping them determine the best place to keep their Ped Egg.
1. on the dinner table
2. next to Tic-Tacs
3. on the mantle next to grandparent/aunt/uncle/parent ashes
4. close to your deodorant
5. near your cordless phone
And lastly, despite it’s portable-ness (is that a word? that’s a word now at least), the Ped Egg should not be used in or at the following:
1. Subway cars
2. book club
3. spectator sports games
Having your friend/loved one/smurf follow these guidelines and they’ll be walking on Easy Street!