To Infinity….and Beyonce’!

beyonce

Beyonce pauses to send a shout-out to former Destiny's Child members

Enough with the Beyonce’ lovefest. And I mean that in the “stop” way, not in the J. Lo Enough way.

First, she has that annoying-ass song “Ring On It”, which, accomplishes the double-feat of being not only the World’s Most Probable and Annoying Ringtone but also Song Most Likely Cited For Inciting Murder.

I also think that the song is a bit dated; “if you liked her you should’ve put a ring on it”?

I think nowadays it’s more like, “if you liked her you should’ve put a baby in her”, but then “Baby In Her” doesn’t look as good on iTunes charts.

But really, after she spent years devouring each new member of Destiny’s Child, thus making her loud-singing powers stronger, Beyonce’ went on to usurp the position of every pop-culture black woman before her:

sad-woman-and-child

"Bat-damn you and that song, Beyonce' "

-Pam Grier: CONSUMED by Beyonce’ after she starred in Austin Powers: Love Guru Goldmember

-Whitney Houston: CONSUMED by Beyonce’ by stealing an entire album’s worth of Whitney life/content: only Whitney could have material called ‘Dangerously In Love’ with singles like ‘Crazy in Love’ , ‘Naughty Girl’ and ‘Me, Myself and I’.

And then, instead of marrying a coke-head user, she instead marries the crack dealer that sold the Hous-Browns (Whitney/Bobby) crack.

beyonce-powers

(Beyonce): "George Bush loves Black people! And I'm a WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN!"

Awesome.

-Etta James: CONSUMED by Beyonce’. Little known fact that it was Etta, not Beyonce’, who was originally slated to serenade the Huxtables Obamas for their first dance.

Want another ‘coincidence’? Beyonce’ played Etta James in the movie you shouldn’t bother seeing, Cadillac Records, now playing in a Netflix near you.

destiny-child

Democrats, let me Degrade U

As a matter of fact, at one point Beyonce’ sat on Barack’s lap and said “bet that old bitch couldn’t do it like this” and then lapdanced him as she segued into “Bills, Bills, Bills”.

Though I’m guessing that this performance was still better than when she and the Beyoncettes Destiny’s Child performed for Bush.

Might be good for some of you to think about the next time you’re wanting to get yourself ‘bodied’. Clearly, “to the left, to the left” has nothing to do with her politics.

So yeah, Beyonce’ is awesome.

Maybe we’ll be lucky and Jay-Z’ll put a baby in her.

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “To Infinity….and Beyonce’!

  1. grids

    When even my pop culturally illiterate, generally oblivious significant other a) knows who she is and b) finds her ubiquity to be absurd and unwarranted, you know Beyoncé is overexposed.

  2. trejohns

    to “j”–you’re welcome!

    to “grids”–Beyonce’ is as over-exposed as she is talent-less

  3. good for Etta for associating herself with Beyonce, now she can sell a few more records…

    • trejohns

      Etta does quite alright I think. She’s been around for about, what, 3 decades? And she just sang to a sold-out crowd in Seattle. Where she shat on B’s version of “At Last” at the inauguration.

      She might be past the point of caring about record sales….

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