IT’S BIDEN TIME!

Like many of you, I was sure happy to see Will Smith Barack Obama take the office a week ago. It was, in a word, prettyfuckingawesome.

Anyway, the sad reality is though, that B.O. (I like calling him “B.O.”) isn’t going to provide us with much humor or entertainment as a public official.

B.O.’s going to be more like your corny parent/principal when it comes to humor; you know that “cute” kind of humor that’s as bland, inoffensive, but effective as self-adhesive envelopes.

biden-bama

"YOU WANNA FUCK WITH BARACKY? WELL, YOU GOTTA GE THROUGH ME FIRST, SISSIES!"

But there’s a bright light in his cabinet.

Joe Biden.

I love Joe Biden. I really do.

I mean, what’s there not to like about this guy? He was created for laughter and merriment.

ysguns2

"I'M VP. LET'S KILL RABBITS FIRST, THEN AL QUEDA! SISSIES!"

Joe Biden is awesome because he’s the perfect amalgamation of J.R. Ewing (from 80’s Dallas), Yosemite Sam (from Looney Tunes) and the Kool Aid Man (from Super Fresh).

That’s a winning combination right there, folks.

Have you seen him in action? He’s always the loudest, smiling-est, rootin-est, tootin-est hombre in the room.

As he strode out to the seating stage to take the oath, he was the only one that seemed genuinely ecstatic to be there.

burns

Fmr. President Carter gingerly makes his way down the game tunnel.

While B.O. looked like he’d just sharted himself, and Bill C. look like he’d just had tiresome “hate sex” with Hillary C., Joe looked ready to run down the  “game tunnel” (that’s what I called the corridor they all walked down during the inauguration) and sack the nearest colleague.

I mean even our other beloved, clueless, vapid politician, Jimmy Carter, looked like he’d been injected with that goo that Mr. Burns got in that one episode of The Simpsons.

kool-1

"MEETING ADJOURNED!"

But Joe? Joe looked like he’d done something Vice Presidential already. As he stepped out onto the oath stage, he raised his arms to the sky and said, “I JUST (he only talks loud) TOOK A DUMP IN THE GAME TUNNEL AND CONDOLEEZY IS CLEANING. THIS JOB IS AWESOME! WHO WANTS KOOL AID??!”

biden-thumb

At the Oscars: Biden lets Christian Bale know that Best Actor and Best Picture are "in the bag".

He’s like the uncle that’s always upbeat no matter what the situation: weddings, funerals, holiday gatherings, bail hearings.

That’s what he is, actually: Uncle Joe.

Uncle Joe keeps a flask in Jill’s hair.

Uncle Joe’s going to play Guitar Hero during Oval Office meetings (“YOU WANT RESULTS?? TRY GETTING 95% ON “THROUGH THE FIRE AND THE FLAMES”, RAHM, YOU ASSHAT. THEN WE CAN TALK. ASSHAT. WHO WANTS KOOL AID???!”)

Uncle Joe will have people “taken down. Hard” for not voting The Dark Knight for Best Picture, not for 2009, but EVER.

bidenicecreamtsr

Woman laughs nervously as Biden snatches her ice cream: "DRINK MORE KOOL AID, FATTY", VP urges

Uncle Joe’s going to leave a series of busted “Kool Aid Man” walls all over D.C. It’ll be the way he enters and exits all meetings.

So, yes, this one was historic. One for the ages, really. It’s Biden time, folks. Strap in, and get ready for the ride, sissies.

Just wait til you see his “stimulus” plan!

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “IT’S BIDEN TIME!

  1. OK, I love Jimmy Carter (I have since grade school, why?) But that Mr. Burns pic and the word “gingerly” seriously CRACKED ME UP!! Oh no! My cat looks that way sometimes, dark eyed and cautious–it’s the best (and worst) time to toss a little toy at her, the response is hilarious.

  2. tom

    I guess it’s too much of a cliche to say that Cheney looked like a cross between Emperor Palpatine and Wilford Brimley in The Firm.

    And Stephen Hawking. How awesome would it be if Dick Cheney had a tracheotomy?

    Hi, Halliburton Black Ops Subdivision!

  3. Brian

    No, no…Cheney was the bad guy (Mr. Potter?) from “It’s a Wonderful Life”, right down to the sneering.

  4. Pingback: The Kids….turns 120! « The Kids Don’t Get It: pop culture and stuff

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