There’s only two times I celebrate balls dropping: puberty and New Year’s.
And I’ve celebrated both late.
So, even though it’s now 20+ days after the fact, I thought now was as good a time as any to share some ideas on how we can all make 2009 shine.
For example, on my end, The Kids…. is now going to retire, “TWSS”.
I know, I know, we’re all going to miss it.
Sure, it was a real gutbuster sometimes (twss) and it’s going to be hard to leave it alone now (twss) and sometimes I’m going to want it again (twss), but it’s best from here on that it remains untouched (twss).
I mean, what’s change and improvement without sacrifice, right?
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “But The Kids…I’m only one person, what can I do?”. Nothing really, because you probably spend most of your time reading this blog, surfing the “Casual Encounters” section on Craigslist and selling stolen goods on Ebay.
So let’s propose that you all out there help me re-shape the cultural lexicon in reverse. That is, instead of introducing new language, let’s get rid of some shit that’s had its fun in the sun.
The following things need to be removed for the better good:
–“peeps”. Like, “Hey peeps, anyone want to go out and grab some ice cream with Biden?”. Peeps are marshmallow chicken-shaped Easter candies and $.25 titty shows in the back of adult stores, not your friends. At least, no friend of mine.
–“bro”. I think I’ve talked about this before somewhere. As in, “What’s happenin’ bro? You seen the latest Ultimate Fighting match?”. “Bro” is a term best used only for the classic Seinfeld episode and now, Bromance, Brody Jenner’s show on MTV. You don’t want to be a member of either one.
–“cats”. Like, “Yeah, I know him bro. He and his peeps are cool cats”. I have cats. Two of them, actually. They are affectionate, playful and gay. My cats also lick themselves, run around with dingleberries and sleep in the tub. At best, if you want to be un-PC, they could be girls (I guess).
But they aren’t people, they aren’t hip.
And neither is anyone who uses it.
Any of these, actually.