Zip, Zero, Nadya

Nadya Suleman, the woman who looks like a Nutty Professor-ized Angelina Jolie, is most famous for her conquest to unseat the Jon & Kate Plus 8 family by creating an army of WIC babies to take theirs on.

Her first salvo was using her vagina like a Xerox machine.

The Changeling: Everyone's favorite Womb Raider hugs for the camera.

The Changeling: Everyone's favorite Womb Raider hugs for the camera.

Done.

Next, she’s begun talks to get her own reality show: Nadya and Jizz Equals 8 Kids which I’m guessing involves following her as she carries her 8 kids in one of those over-sized IKEA bags that people always steal around town as she looks into future plastic surgery appointments and scares various ex-boyfriends by appearing at their door.

It’ll sort of be like Publisher’s Clearinghouse Sweepstakes meets Dr. 90210.

Considering that the last single mom to pull this off was Shirley Jones on The Partridge Family, I’m curious to see how Nadya does this one.

Done

Anyway, now Nadya wants to trademark her name in an effort to leverage her new-found fame and baby-spitting il-ma-ma to rake in the big bucks. Nasty Nadya has been blessed by the media with the monniker “Octomom” and she now wants to make it into an income-earning identity.

Perfect for a load of laundry, a week's worth of groceries or 8 children under the age of 7

Perfect for a load of laundry, a week's worth of groceries or 8 children under the age of 7

Makes sense, right? We already have a Dr. Octopus, Octupussy (which is the name I think that she should have gotten) and that crazy octopus ride you see at amusement parks and shores, so why not an Octomom?

But how does she plan on making a living off of her nickname anyway? We’re reaching approximately 14:58 of her 15mins of fame, so pretty soon no one’s going to be name-dropping her anyway.

I suppose though this is where she’ll unveil a planned line of merchandise, like:

  • The Octomom “Home Pregnancy Kit”: where if Angelina’s face appears it means “pregnant!” and if Jennifer Anniston’s face appears it means “lonely and desperate”
  • The Octomom Snuggie: an over-sized human tarp meant to ensnare all your mistakes in one, comfy blankey. Comes with a night-light.
  • The Octomom Billiard’s Table: this Nadya-inspired billiard’s table comes with 8 balls and only one hole.
  • and lastly Suleman’s Octomom-edition deck of cards, perfect for playing Solitaire, Asshole and Crazy 8’s.
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