Recently, NPR, the station that loves to make you feel as though you’re not doing enough in your life, did a segment on 6-word memoirs. The idea was to encapsulate some segment/moment/etc in your life in only 6 words.
Pretty neat idea huh?
Well, my closest celebrity friends and I decided to give this a try, too, and so, the results of our efforts.
The Kids Don’t Get It Presents: So You Think You Can Count? Celebrity 6-word Memoirs
- Uh-oh; Conference Finals are in Denver–Kobe Bryant, future all-time NBA great, sometime adulterer
- ‘Paris’ is now an STD. Hot.–Paris Hilton, well-known socialite, and first-ever namesake genital disease
- Jessica Biel’s locked in my basement.–Justin Timberlake, SNL cast member, suspected coke-head, sometimes makes music
- Dear God, Angelina: please release me.–Brad Pitt, monkey-faced Hollywood star, side-architect for over-priced homes in impoverished sections of New Orleans
- Better pizza. Better ingredients. Papa John’s.–Rosie O’Donnell, former loud-mouthed hack from The View, currently and quickly fading into obscurity
- I have sex with Heidi Klum.–Seal, 90’s pop-artist, unmasked Phantom of the Opera
- Please, let me feed your child.–Salma Hayek, Maxim 100’s Hottest Milk Bottle
- Who wants pictures of Vanessa Hudgens?–Zach Efron, current teen star, next Freddie Prinze Jr.
- onlee sex words is ‘ard, innit? yea it is you bet your knickers adn tits it ‘ard it is. i dont nkow how to tell me ole life sorty in only that bit you scags i thnnk I jsut peeed on meself i did oops–Amy Winehouse, drunk
- Hey Ryan, we should really do lunch.–Carson Daly (to Ryan Seacrest), former MTV TRL personality, the Wilt Chamberlain of pre-teen to 18 yr old girls.
- Oh Jenny, how sad: John Mayer.–Angelina Jolie
- Help! Help! This bitch is crazy!–Nick Cannon, husband of Mariah Carey
- Vote ‘change’–well, maybe not gays.– Barack Obama, popular merchandise personality
- Not now; shooting new minstrel movie.–Tyler Perry, playwright, screenwriter, TV producer, suspected agent of the GOP
- Maybe I should’ve shown two titties.–Janet Jackson, past-her-prime pop-star, suspected body double of Michael Jackson, current breast-feeder of Jermaine Dupri
- One day I’ll find him Nicole.–OJ Simpson, former NFL great, lifetime World’s Worst Dad-slash -Husband