So, isn’t it totally crazy that Batman’s dead? Can you believe it? I mean I know you all read DC Comic’s Final Crisis last summer, and of course you read the “R.IP.” story arc in Batman’s own comic, too, right? Right?
Oh, well then I should share the following with you: Batman’s dead.
They killed him in the comics like, I don’t know, 6 months ago.
We’ll now observe a moment of silence in the name of Batman.
(pours a 40oz on the floor)
Ok, now the good part: Batman’s been replaced now by the original Robin.
Why is this so cool, you ask?
Because there’s a new Batman, yeah, but also because Bruce (Wayne) has been replaced by….
Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson growed-up years ago and gave up his old Robin costume to become Nightwing, a pony-tailed guy in tight leather who leapt from rooftops fighting crime.
He was somehow convinced this was less ridiculous than wearing green panties and a yellow cape.
But he always swore he’d never become Batman.
Meaning that Batman’s officially a Dick.
Which leads me to be excited about the exciting new story titles and lines we’ll see in the pages of Batman (until they decide to resurrect/return Batman in time for the next Batman/Dark Knight movie) like:
- “The Adventures of the New Batman–now with Dick!”
- “Because You Readers Asked For It-More Dick!”
- (Alfred, Batman’s long-time butler and dapper gay lover, looking at the hanging Batman costume): “I don’t think Master Bruce ever imagined he’d get Dick in this costume.”
- ( Wonder Woman,Princess of the all-women island of Amazon, upon seeing the new Batman, ): “Is that the old Robin? Dick Grayson?…..god I haven’t seen Dick in a long time….”
- (Alfred again) “Master Dick, I assume you’ll be coming in the Batman costume?”
All that and Bat-Dick has now got Damien Wayne under his, er, belt, as the new Robin.
Who’s Damien Wayne?
He’s Batman’s illegitimate son. He thinks he should really be Batman, so he’s constantly competing for the spot, criticizing and demeaning Grayson the entire time. You know what this means? It means we’ll have a bunch of stories about Batman’s son riding Dick every chance he gets.
And man, I hope Batman’s not going to be mad finding Dick all over his mansion, his Batmobile, his butler.
Eh, probably not though; with all the Robin’s he’s had over the years, Batman’s always been big on Dick.
Either way, with Batman (temporarily) dead, they’ve got big shoes to fill.
Big shoes? Hm, I’m guessing Dick’s going to fill those quite nicely.