Everybody Nose that Whitney’s Back, Right?

Joining the ranks of Lazarus, Dracula and  Superman, Whitney Houston has returned from the Land of the Dead.

Pop music’s Queen has since seen her title usurped by the likes of Amy Winehouse, Leona Lewis and Tyler Perry.new-coke-1

Whitney’s new album, I Look To You is most likely not about Bobby Brown and most likely about her other favorite love from recent years.

It rhymes with ‘crack’.

No, wait.

It rhymes with ‘coke’.

No, wait.

Smurf-it.

Anyway, her album, which sports a cover so photo-shop warped it can only be referred to as “coke-brushed”, has some surprising track names that are obvious odes to her recreational years with Bobby.

whitney-houston-i-look-to-you-album-cover

(Talking to self): "Come on...keep it together girl...just a little longer, Whitney..."

While other couples take up hobbies like tennis, wine-tastings and wife-swapping together, Whitney and Bobby took up things like “HELP ME FIND A NEW VEIN”, “Let’s rob Wal-Mart” and “How many BJs is it again for an 8-ball?”. This undoubtedly left an indelible mark on Whitney, and even despite her label’s urgings to not talk of her dark, snow-covered past, somehow it managed to slip through anyway.

A look at some of the album’s tracks:

  1. Call You Tonight
  2. Step On A Crack Break Your….MMMM CRACK
  3. A Song For You
  4. HereComeTheCopsFlushThatShitIAmNOTGoingBack
  5. I Didn’t Know My Own Strength (Now That I’m High)
  6. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH BUGS BUGS ALL OVER ME
  7. Like I Never Left
  8. Call You Tonight
  9. This Shit Makes My Ass Tingle

If you order through iTunes you can even get I Look To You bonus track; Houston’s covers “White Lines“.

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