The POTUS Menace

When Baracky took office a few months back, I was worried that he wouldn’t inspire the same fear and evoke the same power as George “Yosemite Sam” Bush did. I mean, after all, Baracky seemed like the kind of guy that if you pissed him off he’d say “Kids… I’m very, very disappointed in you. Finish your vegetables, and go to straight to bed. No Wynton Marsalis hum-alongs tonight”.

He’s the kind of guy that would use terms like “mister” or “young lady” when addressing people with scorn–which was why it was so crucial that he got Uncle Joe Biden as Veep, since UJB probably uses dress-downs like “pansy”, “broad” and “tramp”. I mean, really; I’m much more afraid of Michelle “dickpuncher” Obama than the actual POTUS. Where B.O. is all “disappointment” and “veggies”, Michelle is probably most likely to spank you in front of hanging portraits of Cleveland or something, all the while watching Oprah with a cool detachment that can only be described as “BTK-like”. This contrast is best captured in the pic below, taken at a Michelle-scheduled impromptu tryout for Ted Kennedy’s open seat held at the White House:

Obamas Wrestle

Barack: "Oh, careful boys!"

Just look at the two of them: Baracky’s virtually hiding behind Michelle with an “Oh my! That must hurt!” look–he’s like that black chick that Michael Jackson takes to the movies in Thriller.

And then there’s Michelle. Cooly watching the scene with a dark, murderous glee that makes you wish she hadn’t lost the role to Gary Oldman in Coppola’s Dracula. Her look is one of cruel amusement, and a face that seems to say, “I want to see one of these men bleed”. She’s like a Phoenix’s Commodus lording over Crowe’s Maximus Austrialianus Assholus Drunkus.

But that was apparently the old Barack. The one that wanted to appear on t-shirts, buttons and tampons. The new Barack Obama–the one that’s tired of hearing Michelle say “Bat-dammit Barack, you Smurf me like  POTUS Bush, when I want that Clinton kind of Smurfing…”–he’s stepping into the ring now, as evidenced during his Health(s)care speech, when he issued a bounty on anyone in Congress that twisted the words or intentions of his plan to use–actually I’m not sure what exactly, but I think it combined the use of the Care Bear Stare, tax cuts and an impending sneaker deal–to reform our nation’s healthcare industry.

This one’s taking the fight to fools, beating them off quick and hard, like your mother.

No more of that “pen is mightier than the sword” schtick:

imaginary sword

En garde with my strong diction!

He’s playing for keeps now! Now he’s watching over fights, like this death-match between UJB and Joe Wilson:

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate."

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate."

And then, when UJB fell, Barack Smoothtalker stepped in himself to thwart Darth Wilson:

barack skywalker

"It would appear as though my Barack is bigger than yours."

and in his bloodlust, surprised all the attendees by turning on the Emperor(ess), Vader-style:

Michelle: If you strike me, I will return stronger than before...

Michelle: "Barack, if you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine..."

It was a move that, naturally, stunned the crowd of spectators and press people alike. But in a savvy attempt to redeem himself, Barack reached into his magic bag (last seen during the elections) and offered the magical Golden Compass to Murderball Junior League’ :

golden compassFour more years! Four more years!

*Chewbacca roar*

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1 Comment

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One response to “The POTUS Menace

  1. Rich

    This is awesome!!! He totally is the disappointment and veggie kinda dude. And it would totally work for him normally, only most congressmen are too corrupt to understand it. “He’s disappointed? What the hell does that mean? Eh…nevermind where’s my next bribe?” On a another note where the hell do you get your pictures? They are amazing. Seriously the POTUS with a lightsaber? Classic.

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