The Kids Puts on its 2010 Pt. 3

The Kids is continuing its look at the New Look Faces of 2010, which, when coupled with the string of posts about celebrity mugs means that this blog has been all about head lately. Or something. Anyway, next 2010 Face!

Heidi Montag’s Face:

Much like Leno and Fergie, I don’t know what the lasting appeal is of someone like Heidi Montag. She’s made her ‘fame’ by appearing on The Hills — a reality show about as spontaneous and unscripted as a Shamwow informercial. Heid has also hitched her fortune and fame to her husband Spencer, a man whose facial hair looks like he glued an assortment of young boys’ pubes onto his chin. And now, with a new year, he’s apparently convinced his wife to do something to her face too.

If you haven’t seen already, Heidi underwent 10 surgeries on her face/body in one day.

I repeat: 10 surgeries in one day.

For some perspective:

  • 50 cent was shot in the face 9 times. It’s why he sounds like Mary Jo Buttafuoco when he talks.

    Heidi prepares to get a butt lift.

  • Biggie about 13 times.
  • Lil Wayne looks like he’s been shot in the face a number of times, so let’s say he’s been too. About 80x.

Anyway, that means that Heidi’s officially got a Hip-Hop Face. I mean really: the last woman to take that many shots to her face? Jenna Jameson.

What’s weird though is that she had her breast implants increased to DDDs, a brow lift, a nose job revision, lipo on her stomach and thighs and a butt augmentation, yet didn’t see fit to get her dick removed:

And now, with her new mug, Heidi’s gone from the rich girl you’d love to hate f-ck, to looking like the newest cast member on Desperate Golden Girls Housewives.

Heidi on the set of "The Stepford Wives 2"

At this point, Heidi has few options for continuing her ‘career’. After all, not many people go to the plastic surgeon and say, “make me look like my mother”. So I figure those options consist of the following:

  • Shooting Mannequin 3: Whore in the Store (Window)
  • joining the cast of Real Housewives: Atlanta
  • move to Columbia, MD (which is sorta like joining Real Housewives anyway)
  • now that they’re trying to skew younger and more contemporary, join the GOP, who could use someone to represent their stiff, lifeless, soul-selling values
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