Perusing Facebook the last couple of days revealed the unsurprising fact that everyone’s posting about the snowfall that’s covered the East Coast over the course of the last week. Pictures and status updates alike are replete with rather ridiculous commentary about the weather outside.

It’s as if everyone’s seeing snow for the first time ever. I mean really; we get snow 3-4x times a year; do we really need:

“Just looked out the window–but can barely see anything! LOL”

“Outside sledding–8 yrs old all over again! LOL”

“Hubby’s outside shoveling while I’m inside watching Ellen and planning our divorce ;)”

“dude snowball fight @ 3pm on the national mall!”

“i want to do coke”

…and so on and so forth. That and the endless series of photos with snowmen, people making snow angels and trudging through the snow is enough to make me wish we all WERE at work instead of posting inane comments about the weather.

Even on the local and national news, the snow is the #1 topic. Just last night I saw Anderson Cooper hop off a helicopter in Haiti and pelt a kid on the stretcher with a snowball.

And so, if it’s that f-cking important to everyone, I hope we see a full embrace of snow being the most important headline in our lives right now. Why, just imagine what that’d be like……..

The Kids Don’t Get It Presents: Imaginary Snow Headlines in the News

  • Snow Implicated in West Philly Drive-By Shooting; Cops Say Mayor Nutter was intended Target
  • Police On Look-out For Neighborhood Snowman; Wanted For Melting on Women, Children (“He just grinned the whole time”, claims local resident)
  • Blizzard-like Conditions Tear Apart East Coast, Angelina-Brad Marriage
  • Snow Appointed Police Chief of Detroit Amidst Claims of Affirmative Action
  • Blizzard Breaks Into Local Diary Queen, Frees Blizzards
  • East Coast Carrot, Branch Shortage has Residents Wondering About the Need for Snow
  • Latest Gallop Poll Shows More Americans Fear Snow over Afghanistan Retaliation, Economy
  • Snow credited as Informer, FBI reports
  • Snowball Takes a Chance in Hell, Survives
  • Dept. of Education Sect. Duncan’s Latest Report Shows Whites, Snow Still Out-Performing Minorities
  • Craigslist Personal Encounters Ads “Seeking Someone to Snowball With” Creates Confused Parents, Hipsters
  • Want To Increase Her Pleasure? Snowfall Expected to Add 6,8 inches to your Nor’easter
  • “Precious” star, “Hurt Locker”, Snow Expected to Win Big on Oscar Night


Filed under Uncategorized

3 responses to “Snow…Snow….SNOW

  1. Claudia

    Hey, it’s the first time you’ve ever officially blogged about me! Finally, I’m in the same class as Angelina Jolie. But dude, I do NOT appreciate the criticism of my Facebook page. Step OFF.

  2. Starscream

    More headlines:

    – Snow takes over “The Kids Don’t Get It” blog and readership is up from 5 to 3,000,000

    – Snow identified as “second shooter” in JFK assassination

    – Senate holds hearing on Major League Baseball players accused of shooting up Snow

    – Donovan McNabb is traded for Snow

    – Snow virus is responsible for all of the pr0n sites that show up in web browser histories

    – Snow and Tiger Woods are photographed canoodling at Le Bec Fin

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s