It’s been a looooong time since we’ve visited the land of celebrity-Twitter. We sure had some good laughs in the past though, didn’t we? What, with all the Amy Winehouse-ness hilarity, the Uncle Joe Biden craziness and good ol’ Brad “I swear I’m not really a monkey” Pitt, too.
Well, this time The Kids are dropping in on the sports world, courtesy of the NBA.
Have you ever wondered what’s on Lebron James’ mind (answer: nothing)? or Kobe Bryant’s (answer: whitechicksinahotelwhitechickshoteli’minlovewithshaqwhitechicksinahotelwhitechicksnahoteli)?
Too bad. In the land of Twitter, only one NBA star reigns supreme, and that man is:
Don’t know who he is? Nate Robinson, at 5-foot-7, is originally one of the Doozers from Fraggle Rock. One day he picked up a basketball, caught the eye of David “Emperor Palpatine” Stern and was given a Knicks jersey. He’s spent his time on the New York Knicks being cheered in the same way crowds cheer when they bring blind or sick kids out at 1/2 time to attempt 1/2 court shots and fire-eating.
Anyway, most recently, Nate Robinson was arrested in the NYC-area for suspended license, which is code for “DUITBCYR&BYWGA” (“driving under the influence that because you’re rich and black you won’t get arrested”).
What happened next though, is something that’s becoming a celebrity-phenomenon in the Twitter world. It started with Lindsay Lohan’s morning Tweet of “8:45am snorting coke off of mom’s breast as i type–i love brkfst!” and most recently Brad Pitt’s mid-sex Tweet of “7:45pm Angie just asked Maddox to put down the camera and grab daddy’s butt plugs”.
Celebs are now Tweeting at the most inappropriate times. And so, in that tradition, Nate Robinson Tweeted during his actual arrest.
And The Kids has the transcript.
The Kids Don’t Get It Presents: The NBA: I love this ga–DON’T TASE ME BRO!
11:47pm: just left the club and we rollin’ out this biiiitch. headed to pancake house to talk about starring in the latest sequel to friday
11:49pm me and boy watching 27 Dresses in my steering wheel dvd player but i have the volume low b/c i’m desig driver 2nite.
11:55pm at red light, crying over 27 Dresses. how can a 21st cent woman have it all in a world that still demands that she be a young sexy creature and a mature professional sophisticate that doesn’t buy into 20th century gender roles that uses traditional marriage to create her feminism? it’s unfair, yo
12:03am still crying
12:05am police sirens we’re getting pulled over
12:06am eating weed b4 cop gets here
12:07am cops just asked why me and my boy were cryin uh maybe b/c of kath heigl?
12:08am cops askin for ID so i “accidentally” pull out my nba contract i thnk we;ll make our 1230 reserv at pancake house
12:09am officer reading contract…says i look more like a pop warner player
12:10am proving i’m a nyk-er…calling up stephon marbury on my cell….
12:13am handed cell to officer…..steph’s yellin something to cop…
12:15am i just been arrested …and tasered me in face….just pulled me out of my nba regulation car seat…laffing at me b/c of my shoe lifts..fck him
12:21am tased again
12:24am someone call spike lee plz…just peed on myself
12:50am in cell with plax burress…..pacman jones…and bark-bark the aryan power dog…..