Tag Archives: driving Ms. Lohan

Calling Car

Recently, the Kids…purchased a new phone: one of those iPhone-y type of phones that has it all: a touch screen, internet, plays music and movies, shoots lasers and dispenses condoms.driving on phone crash

Anyway, when I was finalizing the purchase, I was asked–repeatedly–if I wanted to purchase a Bluetooth set so I could talk in the car while I was driving and negotiating prices with hookers.

“Bluetooth?”, I said with a chuckle, “…I’ve already got blue balls–up top!” and raised my hand for a hi-5 . Sadly I was left hanging, nakedly un-5’ed.

"KITT, I need you to locate the nearest mall. I need tighter jeans."

But seriously; talking while you’re driving? Is there really any good reason for making phone calls while you’re driving?

I just think of how annoyed my friends get with people talking on the phone during the movies–I know this because they call me from the car on the way home.

And yet, tons of us talk on the phone.

"What's that Commisioner? Boys' pants are half off at Wanamakers? We're on our way!"

"What's that Commisioner? Boys' pants are half off at Wanamakers? We're on our way!"

There are painfully few people who need to talk while they’re driving a car.

Is this weird? This is weird, isn't it?

"Is this weird? This is weird, isn't it?"

That list is as follows:

  • That chick on “Little Couple” who must constantly assure the camerman that she can see where she’s going
  • Batman and Robin
  • Morgan Freeman, driver of Miss Daisy
  • Michael Knight

That’s it. A midget, a costumed pedophile, a slave and Hasselhoff. That’s it. The only people proven to have the need and the faculties to cleverly manage driving and talking at the same time.

You could possibly make a case for Lindsay Lohan talking to Herbie the Lovebug, but then, Lindsay Lohan will use her lips on anything, like ” Drug Addiction Edition Jamie Lee Curtis Action Figure Doll” Samantha Ronson.

Anyway, yes, I fail to see the reason to talk on the phone while driving.

I researched this with The Kids…‘ partner, Yahoo!, and together we came up with the following Top Cell Phone Conversations:

Yahoo!/Kids Don’t Get It Top Cell Phone Conversations (secretly recorded):

  1. “What do you want to eat tonight? I don’t know what I have a taste for either. Thai? Mexican? There’s a new Mex-Thai restaurant “Typhoon Day Worker” that we could try….”
  2. “Hey; I’m right around the corner from your place. I’ll call you when I get there. I should be there in a minute. Actually, I’m here now. Call me when you’re on your way down.”
  3. “I’m leaving you for my mistress.”
  4. “I was so Smurf-faced last night….what do you mean, ‘This is Sprint Customer Service’?…just talk to me, ok? I’m lonely and a lil’ horny.”
  5. “I’m leaving you for my wife.”
  6. “Hello, Applebee’s? Yes, it’s me. My usual. With extra low-fat fried cheddar potato skins and butter salad.”

So just some food for thought the next time you’re gassing up and hitting the road, or something, or someone, else at some point soon. Maybe it means making some adjustments in your life; and no, I don’t mean those McDonald’s drive-thru-looking Bluetooth sets that people wear.

I mean things like pulling over.

Or turning your phone off.

Or getting a Bat-signal.

"Remember what I said, boy: white rights only when I'm in the car. White. Right."

"Remember what I said, boy: white rights only when I'm in the car. White. Right."

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